Friday, 26 August 2011
From me to you
We all have that person we would take back in a second no matter how much they hurt us
Instead of "lol" try saying "lsimhbiwfefmtalol" - laughing silently in my head because it wasn't funny enough for me to actually laugh out loud
I did this song to every little girl, every lady, every female who hasn't been told the truth, and the truth is you are the single most beautiful thing to ever happen to this world - Lil Wayne about "How To Love"
I don't think I was every trying to kill myself. But I knew if I went too far I wouldn't care - Demi Lovato
I need to stop giving people second chances who I know fucking deep down don't deserve them
We were just a couple of kids but we really loved each other, didn't we?
Where are you? I am so sorry. I cannot sleep, I cannot dream tonight
"Who are you?" Asked the Caterpillar. "I hardly know, Sir, I know who I was, but I think I must have changed."
Will you miss me when I'm gone?
I need someone new in my life
You'll never know how much I wanted to kiss you at this moment
Something always brings me back to you
The spaces between my fingers are right where yours fit perfectly
We will always bicker. There will always be those rough edges. But, we are pulled together, we have something the other needs
You are honestly the most wonderful person I've ever met
I think being in love is that you can be with someone, and fight with them, but know that they'll always stay
I know that I want to wake up with you next to me forever. I know that there's nothing I'd rather do than kiss you on a Sunday morning, and make you a cup of tea because that's what makes me happy. And I know that if everything else in the world is gone, it would be ok as long as you were there and I could make you happy. I know that I'd do anything for you. I know that I'd die for you. I know that I love you, I love you more than anything in the whole world. I know that no matter what happens in my whole life, it won't matter if you aren't there too
We should stay like this forever
It took one look and forever laid out in front of me
I knew it was going to take me where I needed to go
Ron and Hermione's relationship makes me believe in love. It is by far one of the most beautiful love stories ever. It takes them a while to get there, but in the end they are together. There relationship isn't sudden or new, they loved each other long before they were even together. I want someone to love me the way Ron loves Hermione
(mondays letter) Day 26: The last person you made a pinky promise to
We used to make thousands of pinky promises when we were friends, but we never stuck to them. I think we thought that in order to have a friendship there has to be promises and pinky promises but if there's no truth behind them then there's no friendship.
I'm sorry I broke my promises, it's like one of Carrie Underwood's lyrics - I'm not sorry that it's over but for the way we let it end
(tuesdays letter) Day 27: The friendliest person you knew for only a day
I don't even know your name
I met you at a bus stop when I was younger and I still remember you. You made me promise that I would learn to drive one day because it was the biggest regret of your life, and then we were joking around because you must have had an easy life if that was your biggest regret
(wednesdays letter) Day 28: Someone that changed your life
I met you in school and all that school drama drove us apart but by coincidence we met back up and since then my life has changed drastically. I no longer have all that drama in my life that Nicole used to bring, instead of dreading going out I'm looking forward to going out and meeting new people and slowly but surely you're assuring me that I deserve a good guy in my life and I shouldn't settle for anything less
(thursdays letter) Day 29: That person that you want to tell everything to but too afraid to
I'm dying to tell you about my past and why I have trust issues with people but to be honest I'm having so much fun with you I'm just scared that if I do tell you everything that you might run and I don't know how I would handle that
(todays letter, also the last letter!!) Day 30: Your reflection in the mirror
I see a girl who's came a long way and to be honest feel like a totally different person to how I was when I was 18. When I was 18 I was shy and didn't believe that I deserved the best.
People can't see the pain, they think that I've got rid of it, but when I look in my eyes I can still see that pain, I've just spent years hiding it that now it's become second nature.
I see a girl who is slowly starting to believe that she does deserve the whole world and is starting to dream again about the future. A girl who doesn't trust straight away, but when you earn her trust you earn it completely and she would never hide anything from you, but if you destroy that trust you'll never get it back.
I see a girl who has confidence, who has matured so much, who knows who she is and what she wants and understands that all that pain she had to go through when she was younger brought her here and shaped her into the person she is today.
I see a girl who's starting to feel happy again, who's starting to smile for real again, and lastly I see a girl who has enough confidence to start to think about trusting someone with her heart again
Sunday, 21 August 2011
I've been texting this boy for a while now and we finally met up last night. He's known my friend for 17 years and she assures me that he's one of the good guys, he's never cheated or lied and it's strange because I always attract the arseholes so I'm still finding it a bit weird that this boy likes me.
I was talking to my sister this morning and I said to her that I think he has the potential to prove to me that not every boy is the same, that not all boys are cheats and liars and just plain assholes.
It scares me though because I didn't expect to have these kind of feelings because everytime I do allow myself to feel something for a guy they end up hurting me.
I hope he doesn't, I hope my friend is right and that he is one of the good guys. I hope he proves me wrong when I say that all boys are the same.
Answer every question with a yes, answer every problem with a smile. Keep opening doors, keep pulling those strings cause the midnight hour is mine
Please lift your head from your hands, tomorrow is another day and we'll think about it then I say
There's no weight too great, there's no distance too far, keep flying the flag, keep banging the drum cause the midnight hour is mine
What can I do to save the day? If only it were as easy as a DVD and a takeaway
I came apart inside a world made of angry people, I found a boy who had a dream making everyone smile, he was sunshine I fell over my feet like bricks underwaters
How am I supposed to tell you how I feel I need oxygen. Oh baby, if I was your lady I would make you happy; I'm never gonna leave. Oh baby, I will be your lady; I am going crazy for you
I found a state of mind where I could be speechless, I had to try it for a while to figure out this feeling. It felt so right, pulled me upside down to a place where you've been waiting
You don't wanna keep me waiting, staring at my fingers feeling like a fool
Tell me what you want baby tell me what you need anything I ask baby give it to me
Come here closer don't be shy, cross my heart and hope to die, keep a secret me and you and seal it with a kiss
How you choose to express yourself it's all your own and I can tell it comes naturally. You follow what you feel inside, it's intuitive you don't have to try and it takes my breath away
I love the way you know who you are and to me it's exciting when you know it's meant to be
You have a way of moving me a force of nature your energy it comes naturally
When we collide sparks fly, when you look in my eyes it takes my breath away
This is how the story went I met someone by accident who blew me away and it was in the darkest of my days when you took my sorrow and you took my pain and buried them away. I wish I could lay down beside you when the day is done and wake up to your face against the morning sun but like everything I've ever known you'll disappear one day so I spend my whole life hiding my heart away
Crossing paths I saw the past realized how good it was; the smell of your self, feel of your touch, memory had me gone. But you're with her and not with me now and I wonder if you think of me; I think of you when I'm lying in bed and the image of you loving her plays in my head
You messed up and you lost a real good thing and now you're asking why
Why did you do this to me?
Mama you taught me to do the right things so now you have to let your baby fly, you've given me everything that I will need to make it through this crazy thing called life and I know you watched me grow up and only want what's best for me and I think I found the answer to your prayers
He is good, so good, he treats your little girl like a real man should. And he is good, so good, he makes promises he keeps no he's never gonna leave; so don't you worry about me
Lately people got me all tied up there's a countdown waiting for me to erupt. I've been told what I should do with it, to keep both my hands above the blanket when the lights out
If I were a boy I think I could understand how it feels to love a girl and I swear I'd be a better man; I'd listen to her cause I know how it hurts when you lose the one you wanted cause he's taken you for granted and everything you had got destroyed
It's a little too late for you to come back, say it's just a mistake, do you think I'd forgive you like that? If you thought I would wait for you; you thought wrong
We should stay like this forever
(thursdays letter) Day 22: Someone you want to give a second chance to
I may have already ruined my chances with you but I'm ready now to be grown up, I'm over all that drama and to be honest I miss having you in my life.
I forgive you now for all those texts you sent me, even though they were horrible I know you regret them and you were only angry with me because you were so confused as to why I had pushed you out my life, but the more you fought to keep me in your life the more I wanted to run away, I think I needed that time to figure out who I was without you because you'd been a huge part of my life I wanted to know who I was without you. I hope in time you'll accept my apologises
(fridays letter) Day 23: The last person you kissed
I've been texting you for a while now and we finally met. I've been told that you're not an asshole, that you would never lie or cheat and I really hope that you don't because I'm sick and tired of having my heart broken, I'm ready for someone to come along and prove to me that not all boys are the same and I hope in time that I start to believe that I deserve a good man in my life, too many boys have told me that this is all I deserve, and I've believed it for so long, you just have to be patient with me because I will be expecting you to fuck up. I hope you're the one that makes me believe in everything I've always been afraid to over the years
(saturdays letter) Day 24: The person that gave you your favorite memory
Your my sister and we may argue but most of the time I love the time we spend together, you can make me laugh like no other and I know that I can say anything to you and you will not judge me and I hope you know that you can tell me anything and that I will never judge you. It's not one specific memory it's just remembering the times we've had tears streaming down our eyes from laughing too much, our bellies aching, our cheeks hurting, and normally we laugh for so long that we end up forgetting what we're laughing about which sends us into another laughing fit.
I have no idea what I would do without you in my life, it certainly would be a duller place. I hope we continue to not only be sisters but best friends too. I love you
(todays letter) Day 25: The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Ever since you split up with Chris you've lost yourself a little. It was scary for the first few months watching you not caring who you went home with and I'll never forget the panic when Bryan told us you had gone to a hotel with some boy and we couldn't get hold of you, I was thinking the worst.
It's hard when the person who was your entire life leaves, the emptiness is horrible and it's scary facing the world alone, but you have to let people help you, you have to trust us that we're your friends and we're here for you and it might take a while and it's not going to be an easy road but you'll get there and you'll find someone else who makes you feel 1000 times better than Chris ever did and slowly but surely you'll start to find yourself again, but you have to let us help you, it'll be so much easier with people around you.
And just so you know, no matter how much you push me away, I'm always going to be here for you because I know how important it is to have people who love you around you.
Wednesday, 17 August 2011
And now I don't know how much more that I can take, I'm breaking at the cracks and everything goes black, it's another heart attack and I can't handle that
I know that I'll get through this I'm feeling stronger somehow, I got my feet back on the ground and I'm turning around and I'll be everything you always said that I could be if only you'd be waiting right here for me patiently
Whenever I would take you back my heart was filled with love and I wiped those tears and I will laugh, if only I could make it last
That's the thing you'll come to understand about me, I have an unfailing ability to destroy the things and the people I love
You know I know how to make them stop and stare
Watching you watching me I go all out
You got me watching now, got my attention now
I can't help it I like tp party, it's genetic, it's electrifying. Just wind me up and watch me go where I stop nobody knows. I'm a good excuse to be a bad influence on you
They wanna go home I ask them why, it's daylight not night, they might need a break from all the real life it gets to be too much sometimes
I'm off to see the doctor I hope she has a cure, I hope she makes me better. What does that even mean?
Find me here and speak to me, I want to feel you, I need to hear you. You are the light that's leading me to the place where I'll find peace again
You are the strength that keeps me walking, the hope that keeps me trusting, the life to my soul and my purpose. You're my everything
How can I stand here and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how it could be any better than this?
You calm the storms and you give me rest. You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall. You still my heart and you take my breath away
You're all I want, you're all I need, you're everything
Weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning
Somehow I know that there's a place up above with no hurt and struggling free of all atrocities and suffering because I feel the unconditional love from one who cares enough for me to erase all my burdens and let me be free to fly like a bird, take to the sky, I need you now Lord carry me high don't let the world break me tonight I need the strength of you by my side, sometimes this life can be so cold I pray you'll come and carry me home
Can we recover? Will the world ever be a place of peace and harmony? With no war and with no brutality. If we loved each other we would find victory
He said I'll never forsake you or leave you alone
Keep your head up to the sky, with God's love you'll survive
I need the strength of you to survive
Best of all I've got my baby, he's mighty fine and he's all mine and nothing's gonna bring me down
Do you think of me?
After the rain in the lonely hours he haunts me calling out again and again
It's a fire I cannot put out
I'm learning that somethings I can't go without and one of them is you
Now I walk these streets like a stranger in my hometown, I learn the language and form the words when I speak. But he changed me, I'm his ghost since you came around and now I count the hours in the days in the weeks
And his books they breathe a reaosn and now I wanna know
And you with your newborn eyes have you ever loved a man like I love him? Do you hurt but still feel alive like never before?
I can't go without him
Don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you got til it's gone
Why do you want me?
You know that I could use somebody, someone like you and all you know and how you speak
I know that I could use somebody - someone like you
I hope it's gonna make you notice someone like me
When you hold me like this that's when my heart skips a beat, I know I should but I can't leave it alone
Nothing really matters when we're dancing
(tuesdays letter) Day 20:The one that broke your heart the hardest
You broke my heart the hardest because you were the first one to break my heart and like they say, the first cut is the deepest. I can still remember standing in the middle of my room that same day and crying so hard my neighbor came to see if everything was alright, I didn't understand the pain I was in, how could I be in so much pain and still be alive? It was a pain I had never felt before and prayed that I would never feel again.
My mum and my sister spent days in bed with me, I didn't want to get up, I didn't want to face the world, I just wanted to sleep until the pain went away, but looking back, does that kind of pain ever go away? Or do you just get used to it until it's just a niggle at the back of your mind that you remember every once in a while?
I didn't understand how I felt back then, everything was new and horrible but I think I was embarrased, I had told everyone what a great guy you were and you went and done that.
I think of you sometimes, normally when some guy does the same thing you did to me and I have to remind myself of how horrible it felt at the time but I'm still standing, I'm still breathing, and if I survived that kind of pain then I know I can survive anything
(todays letter) Day 21:Someone you judged by their first impression
I remember when I first saw you, you glared at me as though I was a nasty disease you didn't want anywhere near you. You never spoke to me and when you were speaking to the group you would never look at me I always felt left out by you, wondering what I had done to upset you so much.
But then we were left by ourselves in class and were forced to speak to each other and I'm glad we did becaused within 2 minutes we were laughing and joking and swapping numbers and adding each other on facebook, turns out you were just like me, shy when you meet other people and not really knowing how to act around new people but once you get to know them you're a completely different person.
You're one of my closest friends now, in and out of college, and I feel comfortable talking to you about anything. I'm glad all our friends had ditched us that day because I really enjoy our friendship and our inside jokes - John's sexy hair, the ghost of margaret and searching for the Pringle family in Canada, how hard could it be? - none of which anyone find remotely funny but to us they are hilarious. And I love having you in my life
Monday, 15 August 2011
So boy forget about the world cause it's gonna be me and you tonight
I want you to make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world, like I'm the only one that you'll ever love, like I'm the only one that knows your heart
Hold me like a pillow, make me feel right
I want you to make me feel like I'm the only one who's in command cause I'm the only one who understands, I will make you feel like a man
I just wanna be in love forever and ever
I don't wanna cry no more
I'm falling in love, I don't wanna fight it I kinda like it
I feel just like falling in love
I need you to be my star, so when you shine I know where you are
I've met people around the world but you're the only one I trust
I can wave my wand and like that now we're all alone and just like that you're mine
Abracadabra I've got to have you, I'm gonna make you my man tonight
With just one blink of an eye, I know I caught you by surprise, it won't be the same after tonight
Leave me out with the waste this is not what I do, it's the wrong kind of place to be thinking of you, it's the wrong time for somebody new. It's a small crime and I got new excuse, is that alright with you?
Boy you got my heart beat running away, beating like a drum and it's coming your way
You're pushing and pulling me down to you but I don't know what I want
I had to stop myself from saying something I should've never thought
You've got some kind of magic and you're leaving me breathless. I hate this cause you're not the one I believe in with God as my witness
Don't know what I want, but I know it's not you, you keep pushing and pulling me down to you when I know in my heart it's not you
You're not alone, together we stand I'll be by your side you know I'll take your hand, when it gets cold and it feels like the end there's no place to go you know I won't give in
Keep holding on cause you know we'll make it through. Just stay strong cause you know I'm here for you. There's nothing you can say, nothing you can do, there's no other way when it comes to the truth. So, keep holding on cause you know we'll make it through
You're so far away I wish you were here, before it's too late this could all disappear. Before the doors close and it comes to the end, with you by my side I'll fight and defend
Hear me when I say I believe. Nohing's gonna change destiny. Whatever's meant to be will work out perfectly
It's hard to let go of the past but it seems easier as time is moving
You said he makes you laugh and he makes you happy, he sees you smiling back, it is everlasting because he's tailor made for you
I have seen you every day and you've never been like this before
Oh sister don't be troubled, please be calm cause this isn't what you're used to at all
Not everybody knows how to rock my body, knows how to make me want it boy you stay up on it. Oh God there's something that keeps me so off balance, baby you're a challenge lets explore your talents
Hey boy I really wanna see if you can go downtown with a girl like me, hey boy I really wanna be with you cause you're just my type
Baby you got me and ain't no where that I'd be than with your arms around me, back and forth you rock me, so I surrender to every word you whisper, every door you enter I will let you in
You're so amazing you took the time to figure me out that's why you take me way past the point of turning me on, you're about to break me, I swear you've got me losing my mind
What's weird about it is we're right at the end, and mad aboiut it just figured it out in my head, I'm proud to say I got you
Go ahead and say goodbye I'll be alright, go ahead and make me cry I'll be alright, and when you need a place to run to, for better for worse, I got you
Ain't falling apart or bitter lets be bigger than that and remember the cooling outdoors when you're all alone, we'll go on surviving no drama no need for a show
This is love and life and nothing we can both control and if it don't feel right you're not losing me by letting me know
I think you took my heart away when you said you're leaving cause right now I am hurting all over again
(sundays letter) Day 18: The person that you wish you could be
I wish I could be more confident, be more sure of myself and know exactly what I want in life.
I wish I didn't get my hopes up, because every time I do they always shatter and I get my heart broken all over again.
I wish I believed that I deserved good things in this life, I wish I believed that I deserved to have a good guy in my life instead of always going for the guys that don't care about my feelings because I've been told way too many times that's all that I deserve and now I believe it, and to be honest, it's slowly killing me.
I wish I believed I was pretty.
I wish I could drown out all those negative comments so that maybe I could remember the nice things that people have said to me.
I wish I wasn't so scared to get hurt, I wish I didn't have those walls around me because even though I would like to believe they're protecting me and keeping me safe from harm , they're causing me more pain because I end up pushing everyone away when they get too close so that I'm alone with nowhere to go and no one to turn to.
I don't have regrets, I just wish that I had taken a different road sometimes, that I hadn't listened to those people and maybe I wouldn't have all this anger and hurt inside of me
(todays letter) Day 19: Someone that pesters your mind - good or bad
I first met you when I was 15, as usual I was shy but you made me laugh, and not the fake laugh but a real laugh, so I liked you more. We sat near each other and you gave me a lot more confidence to be myself around strangers.
Over summer we didn't speak to each other but back at school when we were 16, again we were in the same english class and this time I wasn't shy at all, I honestly thought you liked me as well so when I heard you had a girlfriend, the girl I had hated for years, I pushed you away and you knew it. It was awkward for everyone, especially you, to have to come into class and sit next to someone who you thought hated you.
My friends knew what I was doing and somehow managed to talk me out of it and it was hard building those bridges again but we got there and by the end of the year I was totally smitten again and when your friend told me you weren't seeing claire anymore I was so happy.
I told you I liked you and from the second the words came out of my mouth I knew it was a mistake, your face fell and I knew what was coming next - it's not you it's me I'm just not ready for a girlfriend. Why do boys think that we girls have never heard that line before?
It's kinda sad but you're still on my mind, not 24/7 but everytime I meet someone new for some reason I compare them to you, do they make me laugh like you did? Do they make me feel like myself like you did? Do they look like you?
I don't expect you to have the same feelings, but sometimes I wonder if you still think of me, if you wonder if I still like you, if you wonder what I'm doing and who I'm dating, just like I wonder about you.
Saturday, 13 August 2011
Maybe we like the pain. Maybe we're wired that way. Because without it, I don't know; maybe we just wouldn't feel real. What's that saying? Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop
I wish there were a rulebook for intimacy. Some kind of guide to tell you when you've crossed the line. It would be nice if you could see it coming, and I don't know how you fit it on a map. You take it where you can get it, and keep it as long as you can. And as for rules, maybe there are none. Maybe the rules of intimacy are something you have to define for yourself
I've heard that it's possible to grow up - I've just never met anyone who's actually done it. Without parents to defy, we break the rules we make for ourselves. We throw tantrums when things don't go our way, we whisper secrets with our best friends in the dark, we look for comfort where we can find it, and we hope - against all logic, against all experience. Like children, we never give up hope
I know I'm not a lot of things that you've gone for in the past - I know, but I would never leave you. I would never hurt you. And I will never stop loving you
If you knew this was your last day on Earth, how would you wanna spend it?
Do you know when to walk away? Do you know when not to take less than you deserve?
Pain, you just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers, you just breathe deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain can be managed but sometimes the pain gets you where you least expect it. Hits way below the belt and doesn't let up. Pain, you just have to fight through, because the truth is you can't outrun it and life always makes more
Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. And when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired, we are scared, denying it doesn't change the truth. Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world. Head on, guns blazing. De Nile. It's not just a river in Egypt. It's a freaking ocean. So how do you keep from drowning in it?
You were like coming up for fresh air. It's like I was drowning and you saved me
What was I to you? The girl you screwed to get over being screwed?
I have an aunt who whenever she poured anything for you she would say "Say When." My aunt would say "Say when" and of course we never did. We don't say when because there's something about the possibility of more. More tequila, more love, more anything. More is better
When it comes to relationships, maybe we're all in glass houses, and shoudn't throw stones. Because you can never really know. Some people are settling down, some are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies
How many guys do we ever hit it off with? Very few, and even if we do, those relationships don't last, and even if they did men die first, so we're right back where we started
The thing people forget is how good it can feel when you finally set secrets free. Whether good or bad, at least they're out in the open, like it or not. And once your secrets are out in the open, you don't have to hide behind them anymore. The problem with secrets is even when you think you're in control, you're not
That's the problem with secrets - like misery they love company. They pile up and up until they take over everything, until you don't have room for anything else, until you're so full of secrets you feel like you're going to burst
Just because people do horrible things, doesn't mean they're horrible people
And if we're lucky, we realize, in the face of everything, in the face of life, the true dream is being able to dream at all
It's important to tell the people you love how much you love them while they can hear you
Okay, here it is, your choice...it's simple, her or me, and I'm sure she is really great. But I love you, in a really, really, big pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me. Choose me. Love me
I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you
I want to marry you. I want to have your kids and build a house together
(fridays letter)Day 16: Someone that's not in your state/country
I hate what your job, but at the same time, I love it, and I have so much respect for you. I don't get to see you quite as often as I'd like but I love your phone calls, and I will literally drop everything when I see your name flash up on my phone.
You've known me since I was born and you've always been like a big brother to me.
Keep safe over there, and I'll see you when you get back
(todays letter)Day 17: Someone from your childhood
We met when we were 3, both riding our bikes around the square. You were the mad one, I was the quiet one, but I think that's why we got on so well, we each brought out each others personalities, you brought me out my shell and I calmed you down a little.
We started to drift apart when we went to high school, but I loved knowing that you knew that I was still there for you whenever you needed me.
Life has changed so much since we were children and we've both lived very different lives, but whenever we see each other it's as though no time has passed at all, there's no awkwardness at all and that's what I love about our friendship, no matter how much time goes by and no matter which roads we walk down, we'll always be there for each other if we need each other.
- Name: RatherHurtThanFeelNothing
- Location: Glasgow, United Kingdom
- Birthday: 7/26/1990
- Gender: Female
- Member Since: 7/25/2011